Monday, September 20, 2010

How to write the crappiest protagonist ever

Yes, this was inspired by someone. No, I will not say who.

How to Write the Crappiest Protagonist Ever

bY: Lea Ryan

For the sake of simplicity, our protagonist shall be henceforth know as Bob.

Absolutely do NOT give Bob any special qualities or characteristics. He should be everyday everything.
Give Bob no emotional range. Bob can be angry. Bob can be depressed or happy go lucky but never, oh never, let him out of that little emotion cage. You cram him in there, lock the door and toss away that key.

Don't let Bob say anything interesting. Even better, give him an irritating verbal tic. He should talk in circles beginning and ending with a tic. Tic. Tic.

Also, Bob must not be permitted to evolve in any way. As a writer, it is your responsibility to banish silly notions about personal growth. People don't grow. They don't change! Let the story be the current that sweeps Bob along. All he can do is flail (or not) because Bob is helpless.

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  1. I find this entry thought and question provoking. Perhaps that was your intention? It is hard to tell if you are talking about a book you've read or a real "live" person. Also, when you say "tic", do you mean the word "tic" literally or some other word, mannerism or both? Oh, and I like the cool illustrations.

  2. The inspiration was the writing in a book I read.

    And 'tic' as in a frequent or unconscious quirk of behavior or speech. I have Bob literally saying 'tic' because I thought it was funny.

    : )


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